FORBIDDEN LOVE (STORY & POEM)

Have you ever witnessed a dream come true in front of your eyes? That is how i felt when he stepped into the classroom. I could not believe i was seeing a man that i have always described in my fantasies. He was there, right before me sitting on the front desk blessing me with his back view.

Right there, i recalled the time my best friend asked what my type was. “You mean men?” i asked to be sure.
” Yes, men”
“Like what kind of men do you find attractive?” she emphasized.

My eyes lightened up. This question has been hard to answer previously. I have told people before that i don’t really have a type. But this time i was sure. I guess i have now seen enough men to know what i like in them.

” I love dark men, thin to middle sized,average to tall in height preferably with a bald head. And beard is a bonus” I described.

I then went ahead and googled so that she can have an idea of what i meant. I remember her teasing me about how sexy those men look. How freaky they must be in bed. To be honest they did look like the kind you will be yearning for forever after your first encounter with them.

Today, this man was here. Dark, just how i like it. Middle size, average height, no beard but that was beyond enough. He was sitting attentively, listening to the lecture, asking questions, and minding his business. And i was here wishing i could snatch him,hide him in my purse and take him home for my own use ( you already know what that means). I mean i could already see how cute our black babies will be.

It was good news when i found out he was a friend of my desk mate. “So i have access to talk to him” i thought to myself. But my introvert self does not know how to start or hold a decent conversation, so i keep quite. However this man was kind enough to greet me. “A great start”, i thought.

A week passed. By now i see this man everyday. We greet each other, discuss about class progress and say our good byes. Conversation grows with time, we now talk about our lives before enrolling in school, share bits about our interests and aspirations. The conversation progresses from trivia to what matters.

In the midst of conversation one day,my desk mate utters something about my crush’s kid being sick. In seconds i was in awe at what i heard.
” So he has a kid. He’s married” Ran my thoughts.
My heart folded. Stricken with reality. In that moment i knew i had to let my hopes down and accept fate. So i did

Little did i know that my crush was crushing on me too. Yes, you heard that right. “But you are married” i surfaced my concerns as he opened up about his crush on me.

“Yes, I am” he answered

“Then this is not going to be possible” I concluded.

Silence Prevailed

******************************************************************

My introversion lessens bits by bits. The conversation is effortless. The vibe is good. It feels easy.

Some days we share a little bit too much. But it’s hard to control how much you say when you feel heard and understood.

I still think this is all innocent until a day he grabbed me and kissed me. The world stopped. Time froze. My mind was blank for a moment. I could not think of anything. I went home replaying the kiss over and over again.

It was intense the following day. I did not know how to act. Time was moving too fast and for a while i could not figure out what i was supposed to do with what happened yesterday. Surviving the awkwardness, we managed to talk and said our good byes.

Few weeks now, i’m sensing a feeling of attachment towards this man. And i knew this was trouble knocking. I sat down, thought and pondered about what this meant. What is going to happen if i go through with this. ” I am grown up enough to know that this will end in tears”. “This is trouble”. ” This is me cooking my heartbreak”. “This is a time ticking bomb” I told myself again and again.

“Life ain’t fair. It ain’t supposed to be” I thought. This gave me the courage to face the reality and do the right thing.

“May we have a word tomorrow” i texted him.

We met after class the next day.

“So tell me, have i messed up already?” he asked.

“No. It’s nothing”  I replied.

“Okay. I’m listening” he said looking me straight in the eyes

“Oh! My God. I can not do this. I do not know where to start” I murmured.

“But i am already here. I gotta do this”  The second voice in the back of my mind whispered.

“Hey” I started. ” I have been meaning to tell you something. I am getting attached to you, and i know i’m not supposed to. I do not want this to happen. First of all, it is not right. And second, we are just creating trouble. It is going to end up in tears for me. I have had a tough last year, and i promised myself to not place myself ever again where i might get hurt knowingly. And this is exactly that.”

“Are we over?”. “Even before we started?”. He asks in shock.

“Yes” I said. “It is the right thing to do”.

Minutes passed. We were both silent. I guess he was processing what he just heard. So i provided space.

We had our last kiss. It was brief but passionate. And that was goodbye.

 

The following poem was inspired by the story above

 

POEM – FORBIDDEN LOVE

I thought we were clear

This year we shed no tear

For heartbreak is no dear

It shatters, breaks and tears

 

The heart craves

For what i can’t have

Screaming love

Where  it’s labelled ‘leave’

 

The heart’s racing

With tears confessing

The truth i’m facing

Life is not fair, but may be that’s a blessing

 

Celine sang

Goodbye’s the saddest word she’ll ever hear

But If you think it clear

Goodbye is sometimes a savior

 


Fatma Omar Ali

A Writer- Poems and Short Articles A book-lover. An Introvert. A student in the school of life. Dar es salaam Tanzania Email: fettyoh@gmail.com

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