MARRIAGE vs WEDDING
The long wait is over now. Let’s plan, planning for the big life-day-event that we all become joyous arrived at our door with our open eyes.
Let’s prepare, preparing for the big day though can be a lot of work and tough too but we have to prepare and together let’s make preparations. Let’s use many hours to plan and prepare in which we either plan for Marriage or Wedding, but let’s plan and prepare.
In these days, we all gathered together to prepare and plan either for marriage or wedding, but many of us don’t have to go through these two terms, exactly what do they mean even in a nutshell. Let me remind you from these verses from Qur’an:-
The first being:-
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفۡسٖ وَٰحِدَةٖ وَخَلَقَ مِنۡهَا زَوۡجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنۡهُمَا رِجَالٗا كَثِيرٗا وَنِسَآءٗۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ ٱلَّذِي تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِۦ وَٱلۡأَرۡحَامَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ رَقِيبٗا
O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.
-Sura An-Nisa’, Ayah 1
Again the second being:-
وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا تُقۡسِطُواْ فِي ٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ مَثۡنَىٰ وَثُلَٰثَ وَرُبَٰعَۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا تَعۡدِلُواْ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَٰنُكُمۡۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدۡنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُواْ
And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]
-Sura An-Nisa’, Ayah 3
Also, pass through this Ayah here:-
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجٗا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةٗ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتٖ لِّقَوۡمٖ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
-Sura Ar-Rum, Ayah 21
Now as we look at those verses, you will see there are some emphasize made, which are:-
“…created you from one soul and created from it its mate…” Allah created a mate among ourselves, then through these mates, we have to find “…tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy…”
Again we were insisted to MARRY women we are pleased with from -Sura An-Nisa’, Ayah 3, all of these verses look at one thing from the two words elaborated here: Marriage vs Wedding. But before going further, let’s here out the Prophet Mohammed says about these two words:
قالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلّمَ): مِنْ سُنَّتِي أَلتَّزْوِيجُ فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي.
The Messenger of Allah (S) has said, “Of my tradition is to marry. So then whoever turns away from my tradition (Sunnah) is not from me (my nation).”
It’s RasuuluLlaah’s tradition to marry, but before Marriage there is Wedding. Let’s go through them again, Marriage is a long term relationship between two individuals while wedding is the ceremony getting into long term relationship- that’s marriage. Marriages are meant to last forever or for lifetime while wedding lasts only within few hours. Then what we have to plan and prepare is for marriage where individuals agreed with such a mutual love, understanding and bearing mercy between them.
It becomes a trend now in our African society seeing many of the plans and preparations once comes into these two events, we lose ourselves into planning and preparing for wedding – which lasts only within few days or hours. There a lot of committees, a lot of contributions, many of fund raising to wedding, even the brides don’t bother thinking of their marriage instead working for wedding which include many pre-occasions or ‘welcoming / wedding ceremonies’ such as reception, honeymoon, bridal showers and wedding parties that all of these occasions consume a lot of money.
Instead of preparing and planning for such lavish activities and extravagant expenses, let’s prepare for the thing that will remain eternal that’s marriage by giving the brides those money, unless you are well-off to cater for those expenses and remain unshakable. But to many of the African families, weddings cost a lot which at the end left bruises of loans and other burdens which we could avoid before.
It is too funny to find a family spent more than 3000 US Dollars for a single day wedding ceremony, with all efforts to accomplish it but we don’t spend such efforts to build schools, sent children to schools or build dispensaries or even sponsoring orphans to school or we can give out those contributions to the brides so as they can begin their marital life in comfort with no loans to pay after wedding.
We can eat and dance during the wedding but there must be “love” “mercy” and “understanding” betwen the couple rather than wasting resources both in “time” and “money” celebrating the wedding. Instead, we can plan the alternatives to make the bridal’s lives happy and easy, contrary to celebrating the beauties of the brides during wedding.
“Plan for Marriage, Not Wedding”.