SCUFFLES IN PAST TENSE
I still struggle talking about you in the past tense. The bible book that has your name? No, I still can’t go through it without feeling some type of way. I’m always tempted to ask your family what happened, but then again I can’t.
How do I start?
How do I start? I didn’t even show up at your funeral.
I was in denial. I still am because I still don’t know what we were. Friends? Undefined lovers maybe? Man life is really fucked up. What happened? We had a conversation at midnight, a few days later you don’t wake up? So that’s how it is?
Your goodbye sucks!
Your goodbye sucks. I had a dream that night, giving birth to a baby that dies. I wake up in the morning, it’s you that’s dead. Nobody knows how, because it’s not suicide. Man, you didn’t even have a cold.
I called your number a million times I think, whoever had your phone must have thought I was nuts calling a dead man.
You really are dead, gone just like that mboss.
Mboss our secret joke. Hope you are still funny wherever you are. Hope you also got rid of that “Mr serious face” you showed everyone. Hope you are at peace. Hope you didn’t relapse into smoking blunts. I still can’t take puffs because I remember how much of a struggle it was for you. I will not repeat your mistakes. I will not find peace in smoke.
I still struggle in the past tense.
I am letting you go, but fuck you!
Yours truly, Mbossiwe❤️