‘I need to lose weight, just a pound or twenty.
If I could lose fifty, well that would be plenty.
I could join a gym, but I don’t have the gumption.
My legging clad legs aren’t for public consumption.
My exercise bike is succumbing to rust
And only gets touched when I really must dust.
And much like a pet in need of attention,
It made me feel guilty (and slack not to mention).
The solution, of course, was such a no brainier.
I bought it a mate…an elliptical trainer!
This is quite easy! Or so I reckoned
When I tried it in store for a whole fifteen seconds.
But once it was home and I tried it for longer,
The pain in my side was all that got stronger.
I puffed and I gasped, till I couldn’t breathe.
Kicked off at nine, it was now nine oh three.
Of course! The resistance must be way too high
But no, it read zero; I thought I might cry.
The six on the dial sat silently mocking,
My level of fitness was really quite shocking.
Motivation was all I that I saw myself losing,
And my self-esteem was taking a bruising.
I tried it to music but all that achieved
It drowned out the sound of my poor creaking knees.
This instrument of torture could go take a hike.
I glanced now with longing at my trusty bike.
I couldn’t recall why we had parted ways.
Climbed up on the seat and thought, Happy days!
I pedaled with gusto, but soon I remembered
It felt like my buttocks were being dismembered.
The padding on my derriere is quite thick,
So why does it feel like I’m perched on a brick?
It was just all too hard; I gave up in disgust.
My plan to lose weight was clearly a bust.
Oh well…at least I can say that I tried it.
I mean, really, I can’t be expected to diet!’